Saturday 5 February 2011

L'homme du train


Are you sitting comfortably? Well I am. I’m sitting on the 8:22 to Waterloo in fact, opposite a grey-haired guy in a grey suit who seems intent on his newspaper despite the occasional sly glance at my [lets face it] shapely legs. Today those legs are encased in dark stockings, the kind that hook into suspender belt and feed male erotic fantasies. I’m only guessing but I reckon the grey man is having an erotic fantasy about me between Clapham and Waterloo.

I’m checking my watch and the time is 835 as we reach our destination. Should be enough time for me to plough through the throng of morning commuters and cross the bridge for my 9am appointment. I’m due to meet Samuel Fox, partner in the law firm of Matheson fox - don’t bother looking him up because that’s not his real name. See I changed the names to protect the innocent, apart from my name of course. Fox has been recommended by my dear friend sir Alistair and soon I shall be at the door of his offices in Lincoln’s Inn.

The gent opposite is now torn between perusing his copy of the Times and the cleavage of the young French woman whose knees are almost touching his. The frog [for it is I, who else] stretches her legs and accidentally touches the grey mans knee. He recoils and mutters a taut sorry before retreating behind his paper once more. I yawn and stretch my arms wide heaving my bosom quite nicely I thought. Then the train finishes and were out and I’m marching briskly onto the platform . I’m in no hurry though – so what if I’m late I’m sure Fox will still see me even if he’s busy .

in fact when I arrive its 915 so fashionably late in my book. The stiff upper lip woman on reception repeats my name into the phone twice then I’m ushered into the inner sanctum of Matheson Fox, a rather posh high-ceilinged affair with plush sofas, and brings me a coffee while I’m waiting for the man. I flick absently through an old copy of Time out and check my mobile messages. Then a tall man in a grey suit breezes into the room hand outstretched. I recognise him instantly of course - the guy from the train. He smiles
Samuel fox and you must be ms krantz. Hhave we met before?
Not exactly I say we were on the same train this morning
He chuckles and strokes his chin thoughtfully. Small world eh. He checks his watch.
I can let you have five minutes he says, then I’m off to court busy schedule today but imp sure we can squeeze you in .
He lounges on the sofa and crosses his legs.
So what is it you do for a living ms krantz - apart from teasing men on trains that is
I work for my cousin I say he has a vineyard in the luberon. Dyou know the village of menerbes by any chance?
He nods of course the peter mayle book how wonderful so what brings you to England business or pleasure
well our business is import export but that’s not why I’m here
Yes I gather you’ve had some trouble with your police in France.
I stare at him for a moment. They think I killed my cousin in law etienne’s wife Good lord says the grey fox. Well you don’t look like a murderess I must say on the other hand
No I didn’t kill her nut I did give her the ammunition
ah and what might that have been
A quantity of dope mister fox
right well I trust they didn’t catch you red handed
There’s no actual evidence I say but I was the last person to see her alive and I did supply the drugs
So its not totally clear-cut – and you’re a friend of Alistair’s . Tell me how did you two meet?
I stare at him wondering how indiscreet I should be. I used to be his mistress, I say.
Mr grey fox chuckles once more. Well, well, naughty old Alistair.
He checks his watch again. Look I’m going to be late . it was nice meeting you ms krantz.
He stands up and I follow. We shake hands once more.
Its Ella I say as in Fitzgerald.
Charming he says id be delighted to take your case of course, as a favour to an old friend. Alistair and I were at Oxford you know
That’s nice. I’m guessing he means the university.
Look which hotel are you staying at miss - Ella.
Actually I’m staying at a friends apartment in Battersea. Falcon wharf
That sounds expensive.
Oh he’s not charging me.
Sounds like a very good friend. Look ill need to go through some details with you. How about a spot of lunch later – on the firm of course.
How could I refuse.

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