Psycho Analyst

Dr Gerhard is an impressive man. I’m not just saying that. He treated my mother Sandrine before me. She had great faith in him, and that’s good enough for me.

I’d never visited his residence before, so it’s quite an honour. He’s become quite a recluse, since the death of his second wife, living alone up in the mountains near Lugano. It must seem quite detached from the bustle of Vienna, where he practised for many years.

I'm greeted with a warm hug, kissed on both cheeks.
You look more like her every day, he says. More beautiful each time.
He means Sandrine, of course.

My first day is relaxing, a gentle introduction. Gerhard shows me my room, we take a walk to the cable car and marvel at the breathtaking view. Its only about 30 kilometres from Lago di Como, where I stayed with Helene last year.

Something about the mountain air induces calm. Later that day I have my first session with Gerhard. I bring him up to date on my emotional life. I tell him about my trip to England, to see Alistair and Celia – and their delicious daughter Miranda. Then about New York, and the appearance of Alison; my discoveries about Krantz; my relationship with Saul, and the eventual seduction; the time I spent in Avignon with Nadja and Khaled;

Gerhard listens to all this impassively, without interruption.
And the English artist – does he still keep in touch?
David? Oh yes, he even reads my blog. He seems genuinely interested in me.
And you still haven’t met him.
No, I’m afraid to. I know it sounds crazy, but it would spoil our friendship.
You may be right there.
There’s something else I want to tell you, Gerhard. It’s about Sandrine. You’re going to think this is crazy.
I hesitated, seeing the look on his face. He laughed.
Some of my patients are crazy, believe it or not.
I didn’t laugh.
I mean, you know how I feel like she’s always with me. Kind of looking over me.
That’s quite natural with the loss of a parent.
But this is different. It’s hard to explain. Some of my recent dreams have been quite scary.
In what way.
Doctor, I’m remembering things that happened years before I was born. Paris in the 70’s. Sandrine and Krantz together. It’s like I’ve got some of her memories. And then there’s Saul.
What about him, specifically.
I haven’t given myself to a man since Etienne. Until Saul. I mean, I prefer women, as you know.
I’ve told you why that is. It’s connected to your mother, again.
So why do I get these feelings for Saul, of all people. Is it because he reminds me of Krantz?
I doubt it.
The worst thing of all happened in New York. I had a total amnesia for about four hours. Woke up and found myself in bed with Saul. I don’t remember a thing about it.
Gerhard sat stroking his chin. He removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes.
I think that’s enough for today, he said. We’ll return to this tomorrow.

I hadn’t yet told him about the dream he featured in. But I was sure he would find out, one way or another. Gerhard has a knack of doing that.
He can be quite intimidating, if you don’t know him.